I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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