I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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