I wish my penis had an off switch
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
