My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
