I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
