"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
