when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
