fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize