So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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