I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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