I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
