Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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