If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
