Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
