So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
