some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
