I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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