He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
