I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
