you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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