you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
