why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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