you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You ruined the universe
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
