Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
