I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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