How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
