i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
