I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
