I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
