Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
