Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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