i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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