first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
