Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
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how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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