how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
