Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
