i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
