Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
