I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
