apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
