Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
