we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
