If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
