Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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