hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
