"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't deserve a penis
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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