i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
