So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
