Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
