If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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