A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
