She is in my trunk
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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