I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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