We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
