I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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