Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
