Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
