Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
