Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
