we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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