Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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