I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize