My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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