shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house