you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"