dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
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So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂