Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ketchup is God's man juice
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
