just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
