please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
