im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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