"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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