You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
