she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
