dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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