Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
