Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
