oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
