Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
