Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
