Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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